I am the Queen of disjointed thinking. I like your hat! :-D

Archive for June, 2010

I don’t know how to start this…

So, tradition mandates I will just rabbit on til I’m sick of myself.  For those who are really really slow, I’m bisexual.  Yes it’s a real thing.  It’s not a choice and it’s not terribly fun.  It’s confusing as hell, especially since on top of being called a dyke or a faggot by the vocal minority, I also get told to “pick a side and stay there” (most notably by my ex boyfriend) and get called names like “celesbian”, “equal-opportunity slut” and “community skank”.  First and foremost I would like to point out that I do not have sex indiscriminately.  I currently have a boyfriend and I intend to be completely faithful despite the difficult circumstances which I have previously outlined.
I did not choose to be this way.  I have prayed to God and to the Universe and to anyone else who may be listening to make me straight or gay or fucking anything normal.  They don’t tell you about this.  They never tell you at school in their little talks that there’s a third option and it may happen to you.  They tell you you may be attracted to boys, and that’s ok, or you might be attracted to girls, and that’s ok too.  They don’t cover the freaks in the middle.  They don’t tell you that it may turn out that while you’re usually only attracted to girls, there might be this really friendly, really good-looking guy who makes you feel warm and loved and FUCKING CONFUSED AS HELL because you just got this whole thing worked out.  They don’t tell you it’s ok to think more than one thing is beautiful.

My ex boyfriend used to say to me “Most people choose weather they’re going to be gay or straight in high school.  You haven’t chosen yet, and that’s ok, but I need you to decide soon.”  I asked him if he really believed it was a choice.  He said he did.  I asked him if he truly believed he could turn around and choose to be gay.  He told me he couldn’t, but only because he’s already chosen to be straight.  He couldn’t tell me why some people choose to be ridiculed, choose to be thrown out of their families or churches, choose to become distrusted by friends, but he insisted it’s a choice none the less.

I’m sick of it.  I’m sick of it all.  I did not choose to be the way I am.  Why the fuck would I!?  But now I am proud to be who I am.  I’m still really shy around pretty girls, but most of my male friends assure me this is indeed normal.  I don’t feel like I need to hide who I am anymore.  I haven’t for a while now.  Facebook thinks I’m a lesbian and keeps showing me ads for companies which will help me meet other lesbians, but that’s ok.  Facebook can think what it wants.  And so can everyone else.

Signed with love,

The Pretty Kitty.