I am the Queen of disjointed thinking. I like your hat! :-D

Archive for December, 2010

More Ponies*

*Disclaimer: This post probably won’t contain any ponies, but it kinda follows on from the last post, which was called “Ponies”.

I’ve slipped back into depression.  It’s hard to get out of coz I over analyse things, partially because it’s just my personality and partially because of the aspergers syndrome (as to my personality, it’s about 50% Dr. Temperance Brennen from “Bones”, 10% Sheldon Cooper from “Big Bang Theory” and the rest cute little fluffy bunny rabbit.  Bunny rabbit wearing a hat.  With flowers on it.  On the hat, not the rabbit.  Maybe some on the rabbit, too… Anyhow, that’s also partially just how I am, partially aspergers).  I’m having trouble getting to sleep at night, I’m having trouble getting out of bed in the morning… or rather afternoon.  I’m thinking of staying here in Maryborough for a while and maybe finishing  off my cert III childcare course at the TAFE here, but I have to pull myself together before I can do that.  I hope they will be able to help me out here, because my main problem is that I feel useless.

I have trouble fitting in.  I don’t know if that’s an autism thing or just how I am; to know for sure I’d have to not have autism for a while and then compare the two, and I’m not sure I’d cope at all without my aspergers syndrome.  I’ve got no idea what it’s like to not have it, or even how it’s different to have it; it’s like “What’s it like not to have brothers or sisters?”, “What’s it like to be a twin?” questions like that, the only way to answer it is “What’s it like to have brothers and sisters?”, “What’s it like to be a singleton?” etc: it just is.

I’m pretty sure my mum has aspergers, too.  When she’s upset sometimes she just sits and screams.  I do that too.  It’s similar to but very distinct from a temper tantrum.  One can’t control it.  Sometimes I feel like I can’t control anything, but I know that’s not true.
I can’t drive yet, coz that’s one of the things I’m afraid of.  I’m scared I’ll get upset about something while I’m driving and I won’t be able to do anything about it.

This is making less sence than I hoped it would.  I’m gonna get back to y’all another time, but I felt like I should check in.

Signed with love,

The Pretty Kitty.