I am the Queen of disjointed thinking. I like your hat! :-D

Archive for May, 2011

It’s not as bad as I think it is…

I know, because that’s what everyone keeps telling me.  I have been planning to update this blog for quite some time now, and it was going to be bright and positive.  Of course, that’s when I felt bright and positive.  Now I have this overwhelming sadness around me.  It’s not just the regular depression that I’ve dealt with my whole life, it’s deeper and meaner than that.
I’m loosing people from my life all over the place;in many cases there is no reason, people just don’t want to talk to me anymore and so stop.  Whenever this happens, it comes as a great shock to me, as usually the last conversation I can remember having with a person was bright, cheerful, happy.  I can’t understand what I may have done recently to offend several people I thought were true friends, the kind you share your sandwiches with.
I’m behind with my course.  So far behind.
I feel sick.
I can’t sleep.
I’m hungry but I can’t eat.
I whinge a lot…
It can’t possibly be as bad as I think it is, because right now I think the solution would be to crawl into a hole and never come out again; just let myself slowly fade away.
I miss my best friends, my “brothers and sisters”.  I miss being around people my own age in general.
I miss the ocean, so much that when it’s all quiet at night I can taste the ocean.

I love you all, and I hope you still love me despite everything. 🙂 (see? I can still smile, sometimes)

Signed with love,
The Pretty Kitty