I am the Queen of disjointed thinking. I like your hat! :-D

This is not a post so much as a ramble. It’s a list of things people have said to me during my life which they genuinely thought would be helpful for me to help manage chronic pain or stop being in pain at them, sometimes I’m not sure which. These will not be in any real order, except the order I remember them, and most of them are from before my diagnosis with fibromyalgia.

  • Maybe it’s just old age. I know you’re only twenty but some bodies are just meant to wear out before others. Maybe you’re just dying soon.
  • You just need to stop eating white bread. White bread is poison for the body and the day after you stop eating it you won’t have any more pain. [I tried this for three months. Nope]
  • Just drink more water, you’re probably dehydrated.
  • You just need to relax more.
  • Just say an affirmation three times a day that you have no pain and you won’t be in pain anymore. If it doesn’t work, it’s because you don’t have enough faith. [I tried this for three months, too. I obviously wasn’t desperate enough to not hurt all over all the time]
  • Do you pray? Do you pray to Jesus? Jesus won’t let any of His children suffer. Go to Him!
  • Wow! If you’re in this much pain at nineteen, imagine how bad it will be when you’re forty! [Thanks. I don’t already think about this every waking second. Handy reminder!]
  • Maybe if you stop walking funny your legs will stop hurting. [But I only “walk funny”ย because my…] Have you tried walking normal?
  • Give up sugar. Even fruit sugar. Absolutely no potatoes or tomatoes. [I stuck with this one until I got so skinny I started losing clumps of hair, and my body pain was actually much worse without a little fat on me]
  • Your hand hurts when you write because you hold your pencil wrong. [No, I can’t hold a pencil properly because my hand hurts] It wouldn’t hurt anymore if you held your pencil correctly. [But my hand has hurt since way before I ever held a pencil, and it’s both hands and…] Just hold your pencil properly and the pain will go away.
  • ICE BATHS! EVERY DAY! [No.]
  • Why don’t you do something about it if you’re in so much pain? [Gee, I never thought of that. Thanks…]
  • You need to stop imagining you’re in pain. If you stop imagining it, the pain will go away.
  • Why do you lie to doctors and nurses? If you were really in pain you’d have a diagnosis by now. [Not actually advice, I know. I had to cop that one more than once, though]
  • Try giving up tea.
  • It sounds like what my cousin’s daughter had. She’s dead now.
  • Try giving up cola. Cola is really bad for you, it can clean a barbecue! [I have maybe one glass of cola a year at the most, but thanks person I’d never met before]
  • You need to play more sport, then your body will get used to it and it won’t hurt when you play sport.
  • Just take some Nurofen every day when you wake up, even before breakfast. I’ve been doing that since I was about fourteen and I’m never in any pain. [Were you in pain before you started doing that?] No. Why do you ask?
  • CAPSICUM! EVERY DAY! [Should I eat it in my ice bath?]
  • You poor thing! Do you think it’s from the vaccinations you got when you were a baby? [After invading my privacy to ask why I’m not taking the stairs when I’m “obviously young and healthy’]

This is just a sample. My age when I was told these things was eight toย current day. Please activate brain before mouth, people of Earth.

Signed with love and a healthy dose of laughter,

The Pretty Kitty.

Story Time!

I know I haven’t written in a while, but I have been creating! ย Here’s a little proof. ย I hope you enjoy these little videos, they were fun to make. ๐Ÿ™‚

Lots of love,

Pretty Kitty x

days like crazy paving

A college-aged woman goes to a party with friends. A guy whoโ€™s had his eye on her for a while sees his chance and starts plying her with alcohol, hoping to turn a long-standing โ€œnoโ€ into a brief window of โ€œyesโ€. Eventually, the young woman falls unconscious. The guy, figuring she wonโ€™t remember any of this tomorrow, has sex with her.ย The next day, nobody questions the motives of the guy who deliberately got a girl who didnโ€™t want to sleep with him drunk so he could have sex with her, but everyone wants to know why the woman wasnโ€™t more responsible. You have to be careful at parties, you know. Donโ€™t you know what kinds of risks youโ€™re opening yourself up to when you drink too much around the wrong people?

An older woman puts on a dress that makes her feel young again and heads into town for aโ€ฆ

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They are equally terrible and excellent. ย Enjoy! ย Or don’t. ย I hope you do though.

The Pretty Kitty. ๐Ÿ™‚ x

Embarrassed

I just went to Coles to buy lentils, and I started crying because I just couldn’t take it. ย Not the anxiety that normally bothers me, not the people all around, I was oddly ok with that. ย I couldn’t take the embarrassment. ย Fortunately (unfortunately??) relentless bullying since I was three years old right through school and a bit beyond has made me the best secret crier ever, so I was able to limit further embarrassment.

I’m not embarrassed because of anything I’ve done or anything I do, I’m embarrassed because of how I look. ย I’ve always been self conscious because of how I look; I find myself really hideously ugly. ย I’m not fishing and I don’t want it contradicted. ย Beauty is an incredibly personal thing, and I happen to find myself very ugly. ย But I’ve never been embarrassed by how I look, that’s a very different thing. ย I’d never chosen how I look, so I had nothing to be embarrassed about. ย I’ve chosen now. ย I made a decision. ย I chose to get very visible, always there braces on my teeth. ย I decided to do this to myself. ย I decided to do itย not because of how I look but because one day I’d like to be able to speak without my stray eye tooth scraping my mouth and making me sore and sometimes making my mouth bleed. ย I want to be able to chew my food. ย I really don’t care about how my teeth look, I accept that I am ugly.
People keep trying to comfort me about my braces by saying things like, “It will be worth it! ย You’ll look so much better!” Why would you just call me ugly like that?! ย I already know! ย I don’t need you to tell me!

Sometimes I try to make the most of it. ย I got pink bands on last month because I knew I had a nail polish exactly the same colour. ย I wear a lot of bright colours in a futile effort to distract people from my face, so really I can match any band colour if I put my mind to it. ย For a little bit of fun, I took this picture and posted it to my locked Instagram account:

teeth

 

It was called sexually provocative, which left me very confused as I never knew ugly women could be sexually provocative, and I was also at a loss as to how else I was supposed to shop my teeth matched my fingers. ย Very confusing!

So now I’m ashamed. ย Apparently even though I’m ugly I can be accidentally sexually provocative, so I have that to deal with along with being embarrassed that I’ve done this to my bodyย plus being embarrassed that people think I’ve done this to my body in order to look better.
I don’t believe I will or even can look better, but is it really your place to tell me how ugly I am now?

This is a very venty post and I fully understand if you think I’m too weird to be friends with now, especially since you now know my mental state with regards to my appearance,
And yet I remain,
The Pretty Kitty.

The following is a list of what I did to combat anxiety yesterday. ย Yesterday was not a typical day (I had a medical appointment) so my anti-anxiety measures went into overdrive. ย  More about that later, if I remember.

  1. Wear superhero undies.
    Notes: obviously you will inherit the powers of your chosen hero.
  2. Leave home several hours before appointment time.
    Notes: walk as much of the journey as possible. ย Walking calms my anxiety somewhat. ย It’s very hot so it’s ok to get on a bus for most of it. ย Buses make me anxious but it’s not peak hour so I should get a seat at the very front of the bus which is a bit ok.
  3. Listen to the same song (through headphones) on repeat infinite times.
    Notes: it’s alright to occasionally mouth words or accidentally sing a bit because YOLAMTARTON (You Only Live As Many Times As Required To Obtain Nirvana)
    Notes on notes: maybe choose somethingย notย by Lil’ Kim next time, if you’re going to mouth words and sing bits, which you will because songs are awesome.
  4. Draw a bumble bee.
    Notes: dot eyes inexpressive, add circles. ย Now bee looks surprised, give her a smiley mouth.
    Notes on notes: now bee looks horny.
  5. Join the library.
    Notes: it will be difficult to repeat this in the future as one may only join the library once and have one library card.
  6. Drink lots of water
    Notes: doing this anyhow as I’m going to an ultrasound. ย Normally would not drink this much water for anxiety. ย Feel a bit full
  7. Always carry a dinosaur or dragon, especially a soft toy one.
    Notes: none. ย This explains itself.
    Notes on notes: RAWR! ย STOMP! *chews*

So this is what I did yesterday to combat my anxiety. ย It worked (also they have me on anti-anxiety pills now, which contributes) right up until I was reading the consent form for my ultrasound when I freaked out a little, but fortunately I had my dinosaur on hand.
I hope you can use or adapt some of these to help you.

Love and laughs,
The Pretty Kitty