I am the Queen of disjointed thinking. I like your hat! :-D

Posts tagged ‘brain wiring’

Feeling a bit spectrummy.

That’s all it is.  I think I’ve said before that I don’t like the term “Autism Spectrum Disorder” (ASD) because I don’t like the D word.  Seriously, don’t swear at me like that.  Some days I’m more spectrummy than others; it’s hard to explain and it can be triggered by anything or nothing.  Yesterday and today I’ve been feeling a bit spectrummy.  I listened to the one song on repeat for (quite literally) three-and-a-half hours yesterday, and I’m heading towards doing the same thing today.  Constancy.  Repetitive noises actually really upset me, but a song is a different animal.  Anyway, I digress.
There are certain traits not just mentally and emotionally but also physically that are common to all persons with Autism, a certain physiognomy, if you will allow, for want of better wording.  I’m not going to go into that too much here, it’s mostly just my own observations, but if you look at side by side images of persons you know to have autism, even very “mildly” (again excuse wording), you will notice commonalities, I’m sure of it.  One thing that I have noticed as common to spectrummy adults is the thinky-wrinkle.  This is the little wrinkle between your eyes that you get from thinking constantly about ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING EVER!  It’s similar to but different from a scowl line, and when you learn to pick the difference, it’s quite plain to see (maybe just me?  Someone confirm…)
When does it become noticeable? Well that depends how much you wrinkle.  Mine’s barely started now, I have the tiniest, shallowest thinky-wrinkle possible, and chances are I wouldn’t let you get close enough to my face to see it, but a school friend of mine had his very visibly and completely by fourteen.
I like to sit in the Quiet Carriage on the train and see how many thinky-wrinkles I can spot.  They’re quite plentiful in there.
How does it happen?  What are all these thoughts?  Well, from my own experience, they’re constant micro-calculations of one’s environment and surroundings.  Take this example that I hastily cobbled together in MS Paint, a scenario of walking along the footpath when a car (looks like an old Ford) is sitting in a driveway, the driver attempting to enter the flow of traffic.

For non-spectrummy-type people, this is not a stressful situation or one that involves a lot of thinking.  Walk around the car, right?  Simple.  For me, not simple.  I have the “walk around the car” bit sorted, because can’t go over it, can’t go under it, have to go through it… wait, this isn’t a bear hunt, it’s a walk to the shops, can’t go through the car, have to go around it, ok, sorted…  Around it how?  Around in front?  Around behind?  Maybe I should just wait for the car to go first, I really just want to walk in a straight line.  Too much traffic, too much standing.  What do I do while I’m standing, waiting?  I can’t stand there looking like I’m waiting, that’s weird.  Just go around the car.  Mud behind, go in front of the car, don’t walk in the mud, nice shoes, no mud.  Walk in front (by now one is only about a metre away from the car.  Stress levels are high.  Palms are sweating.  Heart is racing).  CAR MOVED FORWARD!  Wait, it stopped.  GIRLY RUN PAST FRONT OF CAR!  YES DO!

And that’s how thinky-wrinkles happen.

I was going to say more on this, but then I started thinking about yoghurt; fermentation; bacteria; cheese; Italian food; tomatoes; my garden; earthworms; intestinal worms; worming paste; cats; allergies…

Signed with love,

The Pretty Kitty.