I am the Queen of disjointed thinking. I like your hat! :-D

Posts tagged ‘Old Life’

I’ve been thinking… and now my head hurts. I think.

I’ve been thinking about ex-boyfriend and his cutting me out of his life and all.  He asked me to stop “bad mouthing” him in public forums, or he would (cut me out of his life).  I didn’t alter my behaviour in any way, because I never spoke about him by name except in private, and so I saw no moral problem with what I was doing.  He did.

So anyway, I was thinking:  He was an ass to me most of the time, but it must have been difficult for him to be with me.  Let me explain:  I am not excusing his arse-holery.  I am not saying the things he did to me and said to me or said about me are ok.  I’m just saying that almost the entire time I was with him, he knew that as much as I loved him, I was never in love with him.  He knew I was in love with somebody else, and he was a distant second choice.

He knew I was in love with a woman, and had been for some time (I don’t know if I am, anymore.  I believe my opinion of her, although just as strong as always, has shifted to a different, more suitable dynamic).
Back on the other side, however, he also knew I was holding him up to the lies he’d told me about himself.  If all his lies had been true, I would have been in love with him, and would be still.

So that’s what I was thinking.

Signed with love,
The Pretty Kitty