I am the Queen of disjointed thinking. I like your hat! :-D

Posts tagged ‘synesthesia’

Making Friends with Things

Hello.  I’m PrettyKitty and I anthropomophise everything ever; from “This is my favourite blanket because it gives good cuddles” to “My dress does not look stupid!  You take that back, you’ve hurt her feelings!” and naming every plant in my garden and every musical instrument I’ve ever had in my possession: my gazania plant is Rupert, my tomato plant is Darcy; Ethel, Guinevere and Deborah-Rose are my clarinet, guitar and piano.  I once had a bucket named Julie.  A bucket.  Named Julie.  Referred to as “she”.  I’m sure you see the picture I am painting here.

When I was little, everyone thought it was pretty normal; lots of kids have pet sticks or pet rocks, besides which I am an only child and there were no children around my age in my life, and I have a very active imagination.
Except I wasn’t imagining, I was believing.  I still believe, but now with a tiny slice of added logic.
I’m told this is very common for both people with synesthesia, which I’m blessed with, and autism, which I am also blessed with.
It’s not too bad, except if I break a cup of whatever, I feel like I’ve killed it and all the other cups will miss it and that’s my fault (shut up, That Guy!).

Now, since everything ever in the whole world has feelings, obviously their feelings need to be protected; they need to be nurtured.  Obviously, if I nurture things and keep them safe, they will love me as much as I love them (That Guy again?  Why are you still here?!) and will take care of me as well.  They are my friends, just as real as human and animal friends.

So imagine how I feel when I lose a special object, when something is removed from me against my wishes and against my power.

I recently lost four friends.  Three of them didn’t have individual names, but I named them Glitz as a collective.
I had a dragon pendant (named Dragon) and three garnet rings (Glitz) that I wore every time I left home for many years.  Recently my home was broken into and they were stolen.  I feel all the normal things anyone would feel in this situation, in addition I am grieving the loss of four very, very dear friends, and I’ve come here to tell you about them.

My rings were birthday gifts from my parents, garnet is my birth stone.  I got them for my sixteenth, eighteenth and twenty-first birthdays.  When I was about fourteen, I knew I wanted to have a ring on every finger, I wanted to be like Ringo (the Beatle, not the Japanese word for apple).  I wanted them to be special, so I spoke to my parents about getting them for special birthdays.  I got the first one while I was still fifteen, as my dad (who worked away on oil rigs, as I have mentioned before) was going to be at work for my birthday.  It was small and simple but very beautiful, and made my heart leap to look at it.  I wore it proudly to school the next Monday, and made all my actual human friends say nice things about it.

I got Dragon from a little shop in Bundaberg when I was seventeen.  I saw him there and I knew I didn’t want to be without him.  I felt we bonded instantly and were friends from the first time he was around my neck.  Over the years I changed the cord several times and watched Dragon change colour from a bronze tone to a silver-grey-white-whatever tone.  It didn’t matter to me that he didn’t look shiny and new anymore, he was my friend.

Do you have a friend who’s very presence makes you feel safe and secure?  They give you that little bit of confidence and make you feel you are ok, even when all the evidence says you are not?  That was my Dragon.  He was that friend for me.

Do you have a friend who’s all-caring and makes you feel loved all the time?  A friend who radiates love and fills a room with joy?  That was my first Glitz.

Do you have a friend who makes you laugh by being around?  A friend who smiles when they see you, and then you’re smiling too?  That was my second Glitz.

Do you have a friend who lets you know, even when you’re down and out, even when it seems things could not get worse, that you have worth?  A friend who makes you feel like a queen/king (delete as appropriate) even when you’re wondering where your next meal is coming from?  That was my third Glitz.

And they’re all gone.

Four of the best friends I have ever had.

Four of the friends I have known the longest.

Gone.

All gone in one fell swoop.

I feel afraid now.  I know they are things, I know they have no real power, but knowing and feeling are different, and what I feel is broken-hearted.

Signed with love and hope,

The Pretty Kitty.